aurora borealis - fALL 2014
mR. wANTS A TREAT WEREWOLF
By: Matthew Burris
I don’t understand you. You’re so afraid of something that will only kind of hurt you. Okay, yes dogs aren’t supposed to jump and when he does he rips through your clothes... and your skin but that’s just how life goes. He doesn’t like begging and you haven’t taken the time to house train him so jumping on people, biting them in the neck, and clawing at things he wants is what he does. I’m sure he’s very sorry that he tore up that brick wall you’ve had replaced twice and the couch the Mr. Wants To Help Poltergeist took outside that one day has a large stain on it but in all fairness he was outside when he did the do. I understand he’s a couple pounds or two… hundred overweight for a dog his age but he can’t help it. Yes he’s got bigger biceps and pectorals than most dogs but that’s just nature. He does normal dog things for the most part. I did not specify domesticated dogs just dogs in general. So he kills a bird every now and then, the fact that that bird was on your neighbors ostrich farm doesn’t matter because he had fun doing it and there wasn’t enough evidence to prove that it was even him. You certainly didn’t get in trouble for it. When he takes the effort to drag the bird to your front door and leave it there though don’t you think he deserves a treat? And at least he takes care of your rodent problem, I personally hate cattle too. Now get out there in the woods at night and give him one. Who’s a good boy?
I don’t understand you. You’re so afraid of something that will only kind of hurt you. Okay, yes dogs aren’t supposed to jump and when he does he rips through your clothes... and your skin but that’s just how life goes. He doesn’t like begging and you haven’t taken the time to house train him so jumping on people, biting them in the neck, and clawing at things he wants is what he does. I’m sure he’s very sorry that he tore up that brick wall you’ve had replaced twice and the couch the Mr. Wants To Help Poltergeist took outside that one day has a large stain on it but in all fairness he was outside when he did the do. I understand he’s a couple pounds or two… hundred overweight for a dog his age but he can’t help it. Yes he’s got bigger biceps and pectorals than most dogs but that’s just nature. He does normal dog things for the most part. I did not specify domesticated dogs just dogs in general. So he kills a bird every now and then, the fact that that bird was on your neighbors ostrich farm doesn’t matter because he had fun doing it and there wasn’t enough evidence to prove that it was even him. You certainly didn’t get in trouble for it. When he takes the effort to drag the bird to your front door and leave it there though don’t you think he deserves a treat? And at least he takes care of your rodent problem, I personally hate cattle too. Now get out there in the woods at night and give him one. Who’s a good boy?